A Blessed Step ~ By Dionna Sanchez

Stepparents are very near and dear to my heart.  I think being one has got to be one of the most heart wrenching yet rewarding jobs today.  Because it IS a job - I should know.  I became a stepmom at the age of 23.  If you would've asked me when I was growing up where I saw my life heading, I would've laughed at even the remotest suggestion or possibility of ever marrying someone who already had a child.  That just wasn't part of the "dream" ya know?  But I wised up quickly!  I learned a lot and God quickly taught me that His grace applies to EVERYONE.

Today, I want to encourage and uplift all stepparents out there who have jumped in to their blended family situation with both of their feet.  I am here to applaud you because our children (and that is truly what they have become) need us.

The future will have its transitions and growing pains but there are very valuable lessons that you can carry with you to help your stepchildren develop integrity in themselves, as well as develop a sense of trust and belonging in your family unit.

1. The Lord Jesus Christ

You will make mistakes and others may confuse or let your stepchild down but God is ALWAYS there for them even when they are away on visitation.  And you can remind your stepchildren that the rules God has for them don't change from household to household but are consistent for their protection.  God can be their one constant.

2. Honesty

So much conflict can go on in a blended family but you can vow to always be honest with your stepchildren.  They need to hear that and need to know they can count on that from someone. Tell them over and over again that they can ask you anything or come to you anytime and you will always be honest with them and tell them the truth. You may not be able to fully disclose all the elements of what they are asking about, but you can give them honesty on a level that their ages, maturity, and situation calls for.

3. A Healthy Marriage

You and your husband will be married longer than children will be in your home. So, if you're happy then you can be at your best for your children and then they will be happy, as well.  Reassure all of your children and let them know that although you may argue with your spouse at times, you will always be together.  It's important for them to be able to count on that.

4. You ARE your stepchild's parent!

This is such a controversial statement but to those of us who have shared full custody of our stepchildren with our spouses - I think we'd all agree that our children need to feel like they have a place where they fit and belong. They need a place where they are free to develop roots in who they are. We are the ones raising them and although respect is a two-way street, they need to trust and obey us.

5. Remember yourself

As selfish as this may sound it is SO vital. There can be a lot of stress and tension in a stepfamily situation - so you need to be able to grab times to remind yourself of who you are and what you stand for. Children can also sense your self-confidence and it can be so easy to doubt yourself.  If you're guided with love and open to God's leading, then you can trust yourself and your intuition.

I want to offer you today what I myself needed to hear so many times.  YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  God sent you into your child(ren)'s lives on purpose.  He sent you into the life of your spouse.  Don't give up but be determined to make a difference.  You can give the word "step" a good God-blessed name and you can gain rewards that touch your heart in places that nothing else can.  Love your stepchildren and always do your best by them.  God will take care of the rest.

~ Dionna Sanchez loves her stepson with all her heart and is still learning the lessons that God wanted to teach her throughout those "raising" years.  Email Dionna at madetom (at) yahoo.com