Keeping Them Happy ~ By Ginia Dible

My 6-year-old came home from school, a big frown on her face.  When I asked her why the frown, it was quickly joined by tears.  Big ones, rolling down her reddened cheeks.  And she sobbed out her story from the day.

I don't remember now exactly what the story was, but it centered on friends at school saying something hurtful.

My heart ached for her.  Holding her in my arms, I racked my mind.  What could I do to make it better?  What could I say?  How could I take the pain away?  I would have gladly borne the pain myself so that she would not have to.  Indeed, I found it painful simply to see her hurting.

What can a parent do when one's child is so unhappy?  I've often been tempted to take away the pain by:

....offering a special treat, such as ice cream or cookies.

....finding another friend, to fill the hole she's feeling and make it go away.

....diverting her attention, so that she can forget the hurt and quickly move on.

....finding, saying, doing ANYthing to make that hurt go away and make my little girl happy again.

But that's not my job as a parent. In fact, if I always find a way to take the hurt away, I may be doing my child a great disservice.

Because life is full of disappointments.  We humans are fragile creatures.  You can be sure that pain is part of life.  Suffering is part of growing.  Hurting is part of being.

The good news is that God uses that pain and suffering in our lives to help us grow.  And if I (as the parent) deny my child those times of sorrow or disappointment by always kissing it and making it better, then I deny my child the benefits that God intended in allowing that pain in our lives.

When I finally realized this, I changed my approach.  When a child is hurting, I instead attempt to:

...acknowledge the hurt.  Listen.  Understand. Affirm that her feelings are justified.

...affirm her as a person. God loves her. I love her. And (when applicable), it's not her fault.

....point her toward the True Healer.  Help her take her hurt to the Lord. Pray together.  Or open the Bible and read together.

One of the Bible verses I like to read at such times is John 16:33, in which Jesus tells his disciples: "In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the world."

With these words, our Lord Jesus also acknowledges that life is difficult.  He promises that we will indeed have troubles, heartaches, disappointments.  Such pain is part of our human existence, and we had best expect such trouble in our lives.  Knowing that pain is part of life helps us accept it. We don't have to ask, "What's wrong with me?" or "Why does this happen to me?" The answer is simply "Because you are human."

Our Lord affirms us.  "Take heart!" he says.  Jesus cares.

Finally, Jesus reminds us that He has overcome all trouble in this world.  How? He has taken away sin, guilt, pain, and death.  We know that He rules as King.  Ultimately, we can look forward to living forever with Him in Paradise.

As our children grow into teenagers and adults, there will be many, many hurts that we parents can do absolutely nothing about.  We want to make our children happy?  It is impossible.  But we CAN point them to the One who heals all pain through His own suffering.  The One who suffers true joy, despite any and all circumstances.  A joy that lasts forever.

If we can do that, then those times of pain and suffering can turn to joy.  And that's better than simply being happy.

~ Ginia Dible writes on many parenting topics.  Find more by Ginia at  www.scholarshipprep.com and www.ginia.name.