Betrayed ~ By Paula Moldenhauer

"I tell you the truth, one of you will betray me." Matthew 26:21b

Have you chosen to pursue a relationship, to be vulnerable, only to be hurt?  It happened to me recently.  I'd been careful about sharing my pain, choosing isolation over the courage to tell my friends what I was struggling with.

Finally, I summoned the strength to share more openly - and a well-meaning friend said EXACTLY the WRONG thing. I thought, "Oh yeah, I remember now. This is why I quit sharing."

It was very tempting to crawl back into my private place and shut out my community.  Thankfully, I felt safe enough with this friend to explain my perspective on the situation and we agreed to disagree.

A couple of months ago, unfortunately, I did the opposite.  I emailed a close friend with a private prayer request.  I was vulnerable with her and it was hard for me.  I didn't hear back from her - no email, no phone call, nothing!

When I saw her a few days later, I didn't have the guts to speak with her about it.  I pretended everything was fine, but I was very hurt.  I'd been courageously vulnerable only to be ignored.

Just a few days ago I found out she'd never received that email.  I could have saved myself weeks of pain and built up my friendship instead of letting it languish if I'd risked an honest conversation with her.

Often, honest communication and a bit of risk-taking is all a relationship needs to thrive and overcome difficulty.  But, as we all have experienced, sometimes it doesn't matter how hard we try. We still get hurt.  Relationships don't heal.

So what do we do when we seek to enter community as Jesus modeled for us, but we find that being vulnerable brings pain?

As I meditate on that question, a scene from the last supper comes to mind.  Jesus is sitting with his closest friends, his twelve disciples.  He shares Passover with them.  Right before He institutes the taking of the Lord's Supper, He remarks that one of his friends will betray Him.

Judas says, "Is it I?"

Jesus says, "It's you." He doesn't play games, but gives a direct answer.  There is no record that He said anything further - no accusations, anger, trying to persuade otherwise.  Just honest communication.

You'd think that would be enough betrayal for one night, but after the Passover celebration ended Jesus and His friends go to the Mount of Olives, to the Garden of Gethsemane.

As they walk, Jesus tells his friends that all of them will desert him.  Peter argues, but Jesus knows the truth. Even his best friends will leave him to his enemies.

I think it is interesting that even in this knowledge, he invites his friends to be close to him.

As I'm thinking about the times my friends have betrayed me - or I have betrayed them - I see two kinds of betrayal.  There is a Judas betrayal and a Peter betrayal.  Both betrayals come from a weakness of character, a lack of understanding the big picture, and a spiritual immaturity.

The difference is the heart.

Judas' betrayal was premeditated.  Instead of repenting and trying to make it right with Jesus, he took away all the chance of reconciliation.

Peter's betrayal came from a heart that was weak, but full of love.  Peter grieved his actions, repented, and accepted forgiveness. He hung near to Jesus even in Christ's death, still hoping for reconciliation.  He didn't give up.

It is interesting to note that Jesus forgave them both, but Judas He allowed to go on his way, knowing the relationship was severed.  Peter He pursued - both before and after the betrayal.

Perhaps, herein lies the answer to our question.  What do we do when intimate, vulnerable relationships bring pain, when we feel betrayed by the very ones we trusted?

First, we can follow Christ's example of honest communication and refuse to play games as we navigate the difficult waters.  Then, we can forgive as He forgave.  Knowing that Jesus, too, has felt the deep pain of betrayal, we can go to Him for comfort in the confidence that we have a Savior who understands.

As we let Him minister to our wounds, we can also seek His counsel.  He can show us whether to pursue the relationship or let it go.

Jesus, it makes me sad to think you had to walk through the pain of being hurt by those closest to you, but it also brings me comfort.  I'm glad I can come to you when I walk through a painful relationship.  I know you will understand, minister to my heart, and show me how to respond.

~~You may appreciate reading Matthew 26 and John 21 as you meditate on these thoughts~~

**A mother of four, Paula Moldenhauer is passionate about God's grace and intimacy with Jesus.  Her website offers book reviews, homeschooling hints, and a free weekly devotional, Soul Scents.  Subscribe to Soul Scents at www.soulscents.us.  Visit her blog at www.gracereign.blogspot.com. Contact Paula at Paula@soulscents.us.