Taking The Heat ~ By Ginia Dible

"I don't want to go!" my five-year old shouted, stomping her foot at me.

"You have no choice," I replied.  "You're going."

I'd already explained the reasons behind the doctor visit and the vaccines she'd be receiving.  She fully understood why these shots were important.  But, of course, she wasn't looking forward to it.  Nevertheless, the question was thrown at me once again:

"But why?  Why do I have to?"

I sighed, and repeated the tiresome phrase every mother eventually says: "Because I say so."  Explanations would no longer help. I'd just have to take the heat.  Let her hate me.  It was, after all, for her own good. 

Five minutes later, it was time to go.  Ten minutes later, I was still looking for my purse.  I was about to call and postpone the appointment when I found it stuffed behind the living room couch.

Skip ahead a few years:

Now eleven, my daughter hung up the phone and shouted across the room.  "Carol's invited me to trick or treat in her neighborhood!  The houses are close together, and we can get a lot more candy there."

Her father and I looked at each other.  We knew that neighborhood, and it was not the sort we wanted our daughter walking about in.  Her father had to work that evening, and I had a sick toddler to care for.  She'd have to stay home, too.

"We don't think that's a good idea, Sweetheart," said her father.  And he explained the dangers of the neighborhood.

She clearly understood.  But, of course, she still wanted to go.  "We can ask Carol's father to go with us," she negotiated.

We knew Carol's father.  We also knew about his binge drinking. We still said no.

"It's not fair!"

"We want you to be safe," we explained, "You'll just have to trust that we know what's best."

As loving parents, we took the heat for that one, too.

Skip ahead a few more years:

Now a teenager with a driver's license, she excitedly reported that some friends invited her to meet at the movie house.  May she borrow the car?

"What movie is it?" I asked, logging onto the computer and typing in www.Pluggedinonline.com so that I could determine what my answer would be.

A few minutes later I shook my head.  "Sorry," I said.  "This movie has content I don't think you should see.  Look here."  I pointed to the part I objected to.

My teenager grimaced.  "Yuck.  But... All the group is going.  I'll be left out!"

I shook my head. "Sorry. You're not going."

She walked away.  I could tell she was only partially disappointed.  We both knew she wouldn't want to view that movie.

The heat wasn't so hot that time.

Finally, last month:

"Uh-oh."  She hung up the phone and looked at us.  "Things have changed a bit for Friday night."

After being away at school for several months, she hadn't seen Beth and Susie for some time.  They'd set aside this Friday for a long-awaited girls' night out.

But since she'd been away at school, Susie'd gotten a boyfriend.  And Beth didn't want to give up her regular weekend date with her now-very-serious guy.  So they'd changed the parameters of the night out.  It was suddenly a group of six, with a third young man invited along to be our daughter's date.

Once again, my husband and I exchanged looks.

"Do you want to go?" we asked.

"Not really," she replied. "I had kind of planned on not dating this year. I want to focus on my schoolwork."

"Then don't go." we said.

"But...They'll ask me why not.  They said he's a nice guy.  They'd think my commitment is silly."

She hesitated, and we could see that she'd have a hard time telling them no.  Even when it was what she wanted.

She glanced up at her father.  "Would you....?"

"You want me to be the heavy? You want me to say I won't let you go?"

She flickered her eyes bashfully.  "Well....yeah....sort of."

He tried to stifle a grin.  "No problem," he said, as he picked up the phone.

This time, the heat was simply warm, and comforting.  And it felt good.

~ Author Ginia Dible seeks to encourage parents through her writings.  More about Ginia at www.ginia.name.